November 9, 2008

i'm a billionaire...almost a lot of times

I would be the most awesome inventor if people would just stop coming up with my ideas before me.

Example number one: Three years ago during a swimming phase I went through, I decided that if runners got music, I deserved some too. This spawned my endeavor to invent the underwater ipod. Unfortunately, some turd beat me to it. (uh...*whisper* but thank you for my underwater ipod).

Example number two: Today I was sitting here in deep thought when all of the sudden brilliance struck me once again. "Hey!" I proclaimed, "Wouldn't it be rad to hang a fishbowl on the wall?! And stick a real fish in it?!" Guess what?....
*Sigh* Jerks. But I still want one. Although, do you think this fish lives in a constant state of terror/confusion?

Not to flatter myself, well actually...that is the reason I wrote the yes, in order to flatter myself, I will simply tell you that these examples of things I invented without due credit could go on all night. Color isolation on cameras...floating trampolines... internet on phones... cake flavored ice cream (which certainly sits at the top of the list) on-zip off shorts/pants (not so proud of that one)... were all thought up by the brain of yours truly. Just not at the opportune moment.

I will have you all know, however, that the armpit-lawnmower-sprinkler-face dance move remains a Kristen Muirhead original. Well, I may or may not have had a little help from Vanessa....the 5 year-old.

uno, dos, tres...etc.

I have 4 very important orders of business to discuss.

1. I hate showering, this is a well known fact. I REALLY REALLY hate it, I'm talking to a loathing degree. But want to know what I hate even more? I knew you would. It's washing my hair. All truth must be confessed at some point, why not now? So, there you have it. The reasons why I commonly reek of and asian food and oil (please avoid being misled and make sure to separate those two. Asian Food. Oil. Not Asian Food and Asian Oil).
2. You know the song "Chasing Pavements" by a one Adele? It has very recently come to my attention that this bit of music is not in fact entitled "Chasing Penguins"... ahem.... And all this time I just thought the laughter from others, whilst I sang along came from the common mocking of such a ridiculous notion. Now I can see the unfortunateness in my all too common response of "I know! What a crazy song! They must be running out of ideas...penguins....pah! (yes I 'pah!' quite frequently)." And let's be truthful, if it really came down to just giving up or chasing penguins, the choice is obvious, no? Need we sing about it?
3. After watching V for Vendetta last night I think it is safe to say that if the need should ever arise for me to have a girl crush it would most definitely have to be on Natalie Portman. Here's to your brilliance. And baldness.
4. My mother is conspiring to start a blog for the sole purpose of posting humiliating quotes which seem to escape my mouth multiple times a day. Boycott this with a vengeance.