December 15, 2007

part-time scrooge

I think I've figured it out...

Contrary to popular belief, I really don't hate Christmas. After some overdue soul searching today, I have realized that it is NOT the decked halls of holly, festivals of trees, Jack Frost nipping at my nose, or even (gasp!)the commercialism of the holidays that gets me down (although that certainly is towards the bottom of my likings list). So I ask myself, if Jolly Old Saint Nick is in fact NOT my nemesis...what's the problem here? Why does this time of year cause me so much anxiety?

ANSWER (grab your seats boys and girls...this one is deep):

I don't hate being blithe and chipper, I don't hate that others are lively and gay (1850's meaning), I hate the expectation that says I am SUPPOSED to be happily galavanting around with a smile on my face because guess what? we stapled some lights to our wall. How can we place a standard like that on the entire human race? If someone wants to not be merry and bright...let's just let them. If gingerbread makes you makes you happy. If gingerbread makes you break out in hives and stop breathing...well, no one should force you to eat it. That's really all I'm saying here.

Here is my idea of a perfect Christmas: We just think about Jesus and whoever wants to enjoy some holiday traditions...they just go right along and help themselves. But no one is expected to do anything. If a tree makes you happy and reminds you of Jesus, put one up. If a tree is a pain that you dread from March 21st, cut that one out. Back to basics, that's what I say. ABC 123.

So in summary: I'm not against the holidays, I'm against you making me not be against the holidays. I'll be against it if I want to, which I don't. But don't force me here.

Like I said...simple.

December 13, 2007

the weepies

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still


December 5, 2007

December 4, 2007

bedtime stories

Last night as Elliot and I lay snuggled under the covers of our springy twin size beds, listening to the magical words of Dr. Seuss being read on tape, and basking in the soft glow of the newly installed colored lights in our window, I couldn't help but slip into the spirit of the least a little bit.

November 27, 2007

haiku tuesday

my new number one

favorite film of all time.

let it change your life.

November 26, 2007

precipitation exhilaration

Today I worked (sort of), went to Costco, went to church late, left church early (to pick up a friend from the airport), only half listened to the talks in sacrament meeting, was supposed to speak in church but said no, and wore a tank top thanks to the unbearable heat (No, not to church). Then I went to a fireside. Topic of sermon: Keep the Sabbath day holy. Needless to say, I left feeling very guilty. BUT instead of sulk in my unworthy feelings, I went out in the pouring rain tonight and danced in every mud puddle in town. It soothed my soul to the core.

November 21, 2007

logic of a boy:

How do I get a girl to notice me? I know! As she lays out on the beach, I will start a football game around her, making her the 50 yard line. Each time I run past her, I will drop the ball and and with each bend of retreival, I will hope to strike up a dialogue. When this doesn't work, I will simply throw the ball directly at her head and hopefully by the time it hits her in the face, the stars will have aligned themselves and we will fall madly in love. If no other words escape my mouth, at least my charming "I'm so sorry for that newly acquired welt on your luscious, rosy face" will have a chance to woo and charm her. After our "conversation" ends, I will ask her and her friend to move down the beach I have hijacked, from the spot they have been in for the past 2.5 hours, so as not to harm them again. They will probably be impressed with my thoughtfulness for their safety.

Probably not. I am not lying...he aimed for her face on purpose. Poor Tiffany.

Stupid boy...ineffective flirting mechanism. That's really all there is to it.

November 20, 2007

haiku tuesday

crisp Japanese pear

$3.95 at Foodland

it's Tree of Life fruit

November 19, 2007

family business

Writers. You can't live with them, you can't live without them.

For those of you living under a rock who have not heard the news, Hollywood is currently shutting down. While this is already a VERY BIG DEAL (shed a tear for the office), it is an even bigger deal at my house because thanks to all those striking pompous hippies, my papa is out of work. SO! In an effort to move the resistance along I am hereby declaring a strike against the strike. I confess: Not so much because I care (and I do), but more because I would love to keep my college fund alive. You hear? Step one: Get father work. My dad and brother are photographers, and two of the most artistic people alive. True, my opinion may be one of bias, but it is my strong belief that even if I were not related to these fine men, I would still find their work the equivalent of incredible. But don't take my word for it....CLICK HERE. But before you do, keep in mind that the site is a work in progress. I believe it's been up for approximately 2.5 days, and they are after all not web designers. 'Nuff said about that...

If you need photographs taken for ANY REASON: Christmas cards...engagement/wedding *cough cough* Kristine photos....your own vanity....ANYTHING! at least consider them. :) And tell everyone you know. Pretty pretty please. With a cherry on the top.


November 17, 2007

oh. my. goodness.

The acai bowl: Heaven on earth. I have decided to live off of the exquisitness of these babies for the rest of my life. I am sorry, but they are simply too delicious to not consume for every meal. and snack. Please convert immediately.

November 16, 2007

ode to an office

Hands down, Thursday is the best day of the week. Why? One word (well three): Michael Gary Scott.

Need I say more? Love you.

November 15, 2007

aaaaand I'm back

After much thought, consideration, fasting and prayer, I have decided to return to the blogging world. A new job involving a computer may or may not have been a factor in this decision making process.

September 16, 2007

taking a hiatus

No time for computers when this is your backyard....

August 28, 2007










August 21, 2007

shoe paint

I have never been a huge fan of running. I absolutely love how I feel after a good hard run, but getting myself to go has been a challenge in the past. I have had to tell myself over and over, "Kristen, you LOVE running! Now get up off of your pettooty and get out of here!" This rarely works. My brain is just too smart. It knows when I'm lying. Luckily, I no longer have to fight with myself. My fate has begun to change, all thanks to one important invention: shoe paint. Yes, you've heard right, paint made especially for your footwear.

After analyzing the numerous holes in my 4-year old running shoes, it became apparent that I could no longer use them. I made a leap and went to a REAL running store, with REAL running stuff, for REAL runners. It was enthralling. They watched me run around the store (a little awkward, but nevertheless fun) and a little to my dismay,I was told I have an "over-pronating gate". But fear not my friends, they do in fact have special shoes to fix this problem, and 1 hour and 20 pairs of shoes later, I was handed a pair of deliciously comfortable Sauconys. I'll admit I'm not really up to speed with all the medical "pronation" jargon, all I know is two things: 1. These shoes feel better than butter and 2. They are boooooring. In a REAL running store you are not allowed to complain about the color of your shoes and I obeyed this rule to a tee, but when they handed me these, my heart was slightly saddened:

I was after all, hoping for something a bit spunkier. So, what did I do? I went home and began some internet-style research. After discovering the wonderful paint I invested in every color of the rainbow. In the end, me plus a lot of paint and a not-so-exciting pair of shoes equaled this:

Yes, I got a little carried away, but in all honesty I wasn't really going for "cute", but more along the lines of "what on earth does that girl have on her feet?" Nothing makes me happier than putting these babies on and taking them for a stroll around the neighborhood. So, in summary: If you hate your daily (or sometimes monthly, in my case) workout, go buy a neon green swimsuit with gold polka dots, or spray paint your bike hot pink and sprinkle glitter on the wheels. Maybe even write your favorite words all over it. It is then that you will begin to look forward to your time together.

(thanks for the photos Ryan!)

August 18, 2007

the end of the world as I know it

My world came crashing down today. It's true people...Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) is a fake.

Are you finding yourself crying while hysterically screaming, "No! You're a liar! It simply cannot be true!"? Guess what? It can. I'm sorry my friends, but all those hours you spent praying the sharks under the raft wouldn't eat him, or that the little squid would give him enough nourishment to make it another 8 hours, were wasted. Let's just not talk about it anymore.

Here's your proof: click here

Now go cry yourself to sleep, under a big Bearless sky. :(

(In retrospect I have to admit I did wonder what the camera guys ate. But I suppose that's just the camera man's daughter inside of me.)

August 17, 2007

refrigerator poetry

one set of magnetic words and one slooooow day at work later...

August 16, 2007

call me sydney bristow

I feel like I shouldn't admit this on the world wide web, but all well, here goes...

Back in the day, my brother Jared and I used to play a little game we liked to call "Nighttime Stalkers", which involved us driving around in the middle of the night in Blue Thunder (beautiful '91 Voyager mini you) through the streets of Utah County, armed with only a couple bucks for gas and a phonebook. Why a phonebook you ask? Because how can you be an effective stalker without knowing where your subjects reside? Muahaha! We were sneaky evil. I am Batman...Jared Robin. (sorry buddy, that's what you get for not driving) Anyway, the basics of the game: Look up people from your life a long time ago (Elementary school teachers, old dentists, long lost classmates, etc. etc.) and go find out where they live. Pretty much that's it. You just see thier house and drive away. I know it doesn't sound too cool, but believe me it is a thrill! For some strange reason, I feel like I understand people better when I know where they live.

"Nighttime Stalkers" was only an update from "Tree Spies" which was formed by my friend Kirtley and I in the 3rd grade. We would climb up into the trees in the orchard behind her house with binoculars and the cordless phone. We'd spy through the windows of the neighbors' houses and after analyzing their current activities, we'd give them a call. Disguising our voices we'd say things like, "How are those Cheerios Mrs. Johnson?" or "Are you winning that computer game Joe?" Sometimes I am amazed I am not in prison right now.

Anyway, what I am getting at here in this eternal post is this: My fettish with CIA-ish hobbies has advanced to an entirely new level. If you have not played with Google Earth yet, you are missing out my friends, because it is so entertaining I could spend all day just looking at the rooftops of random buildings across the globe. Ever wondered how it would feel to fly from the top of the Empire State Building to the Eiffel Tower? Well now you can! You just type in any address on Planet Earth and you are taken right to it! I love technology so much! It's not even funny.

All I know is maybe Harriet the Spy should never have been written, because since I read it when I was 8, I have never been the same. Alias didn't really help the situation either. Dang entertainment...

Disclaimer: I am not a stalker anymore, I just like to look up cool places in Europe and stuff. The investigations ended long ago. In case you were getting worried. :) Hah!

August 13, 2007

I heart nightmares

Nightmares are apparently my dream of choice. I never have pleasant dreams (at least that I can remember upon waking). A great woman once said, "When life gives you nightmares, make lemonade"...or something to that extent. So, in response to her inspiring words, I have decided to find the bright side of my situation...

Last night my dream involved my dad and I fighting off a pack of ferocious Ogres.

And I'm not talking about this kind:

But more like this kind:

Our weapons of choice? Kitchen knives. Were we victorious? You betcha. Die suckas! Although it was in fact one of the more terrifying moments of my life, I've decided to view these adventures as precious father-daughter bonding time. How many kids get to battle giant green monsters with their dads? Hello! I am like the luckiest girl alive! I don't get to see my dad a lot, so I've learned to appreciate the small moments. Like, for example, the time we grew giant bat wings and flew around a creepy neighboorhood in California, looking for escaped criminals. That one didn't end so well...but we won't go there.

Anyway, the point I am trying to get at here is that....actually, I don't think I have a point. Nevermind.

August 4, 2007

a modern education

Due to recent complaints regarding my lack of blogging (p.s. I'm flattered someone is actually reading this), I have decided to offer an explanation for my absence. Here it is: Online school has ruined my life. I have a procrastination problem and internet classes have not been so good for me. I am enrolled for the summer semester and upon realizing that the deadline for all tests, assignments, quizzes, and projects is this coming Tuesday, I thought it might be a good idea to get started on the classes. So in short, I am cramming 4 months worth of work into 4 days. Needless to say, it hasn't been my favorite week. Apologies extended... I'll return shortly.

July 20, 2007

snape is good

Just wanted to make my final shout out before midnight. Snape is good! I know he is. If I haven't already given you my shpeel of reasons, I'm happy to do so. The books are FULL of proof. So, all of you people who have made fun of me for believing this...oh, you just wait. In 11 short hours, I will be victorious and you will have to eat your feet. Yes, both of them. Muahahah! I just love Snape. Can't help it.

July 19, 2007

facing the unknown

Abigail has me worried. Since she moved in, I have been introduced to a number of new pieces of information (i.e. : rose petal popping, the release of a billion bouncy balls in San Francisco, Bella Good snow cones, Kaiizen….etc.) These are things I feel like I should have known by now. I am an adult! How have I never discovered such important aspects of life? I’m appalled. And worried. What else have I not been privy to?

p.s. click here. it will change your life

July 17, 2007

over the river and through the woods

Roommate and I went tubing today. It’s really a quite simple process. You head to Big O and pay them $11.65 to blow you up a tire tube (oh and be warned…there’s no warranty on these), and then you shove and squeeze them into your back seat and head up the canyon. Don’t get me wrong…there will be complications. You must take two cars (thanks abbie). Here’s the procedure: drive both to the top, drop off tubes, drive both to the bottom, drop off car #2, drive car #1 to the top, floaty float float down the water, drop off tubes 1 and 2, drive car #2 to the top, drive cars 1 and 2 to the bottom, squeeze and shove tubes back into cars, drive home. WHEW!

Personal highlights of todays extravaganza:

1. Kristen not being able to figure out the car procedure. Ever.

2. Roommate getting stuck on a log, for a number of minutes.

3. Roommate hitting a bridge and flipping over.

4. Roommate getting sucked under by the current.

5. Roommate had a rough ride. :) But it was really entertaining for Kristen.

6. Kristen trying to wait for roommate by holding onto a log, causing a flip over, causing a tube/ croc catching race down the river.

7. Angry fisherman people. Too bad boys…nature is free for all.

8. The fact that I am talking in third person. I think I’ll stop that now.

9. Thinking I had the radio set to christian rock when we got in my car, telling roommate, “Um, I’m playing Jesus music,” then having Chris Brown come on full blast. Whoops.

10. Abbie: “Ahh! It’s so wet!” Well my dear, it is in fact a river. Made out of liquidy water.

11. The quilting fabric I tied on my head and pretended was a headband.

12. When Tiffany said, “Hitting the bottom with your bottom would hurt.” ….and hitting a large rock as she spoke. :)

13. The look on her face when #12 happened. Classic.

Okay, I’m sure there are more, but I’m done now.

July 16, 2007


Whenever something on my computer stops working (which is often) and that box that asks if I would like to send an error report pops up, I always send one. Do I know what an error report is? No. Do I know where it is being sent to? No. All I know is a) it upsets me that the “don’t send” button is highlighted, like they don’t want to hear from you and b) it makes me feel better to fight the system and think that maybe someone somewhere is just sitting, staring at a screen, waiting for my error report to be sent, so that they can push a giant red button, jump up and yell, “Code Red! We have a Code Red! This is not a drill! Kristen’s computer is failing her! Someone hop on that! STAT!” I feel better…

July 14, 2007


Who invented the word “Blooper”? Tiffany (Roommate) says, “Probably John Blooper.” Hmmm…not so sure. It doesn’t matter. They could be named Blumpies, and I would love them just the same. Bloopers are the gems of the entertainment industry. Among my favorites are: Alias, The Office, and Toy Story. But…Confession: I also (I know, it’s morbid) enjoy Gymnastics Bloopers. Don’t judge me for this. There is just something to be said for watching very talented athletes fall flat on their faces.

Please enjoy:


p.s. #1: No one was harmed in the making of this film…..:) jk.)

p.s. #2: I'm sorry it's just a link. Can't figure out how to post the actual video. Help anyone?

p.s. #3: Warning: if your name is Kristen's Grandma, you will not like this video. :) You are too caring to enjoy it.

July 13, 2007

before I kick the can

Spending what has felt like days in random doctors’ offices this past week has given me a lot of time to myself, which I so nobly devoted to some casual deep thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I am not so great at the whole goal-setting thing. Minus the time I decided I was destined to tame a tiger and discover a new planet at the age of 7, I have never really written down any particular aspirations of mine. Come to think of it, I don’t have a whole lot of them to write down. BUT! Spending time with so many poor sick people has caused me to take a little bit closer look at what I want from my life. I mean, what if I just keeled over tomorrow? Would I get to Heaven (hopefully…) and think, “Crap! Why did I spend my life sleeping and watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy?” If I were told I had one year to live, what would I spend each day doing? I say…forget the diagnosis. Let’s do it now. So, ladies and gents, I give you my first list of Life Goals:

1. Skydive

2. Go to Italy

3. Own a Dog (white lab)

4. Fall madly in love

5. Run a marathon

6. Hike Mt. Timpanogos

7. Paint a picture I like

8. Learn a new language

9. Go skinny dipping

10. Find out how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

July 12, 2007

too much information

While sitting here, trying to select a topic for my first blog to be published in cyberspace, I am reminded of something my brother wrote on myspace. He started with the thought, “I like mustard” and went from there, listing an incredibly long assortment of useless details about himself. Don’t you worry….I copied and pasted it into Word and it is indeed a page and half long. In 10 pt. font….single spaced. So, in case you’re in the mood to swim in an ocean of unwanted information….please, by all means, dive in:

I want to be named Rubi. If I were to change my name it would be Rubi Stonebrook. You could never hate someone with a name like Rubi Stonebrook. I am shy. I pretend I’m not, and sometimes I can fake it pretty well, but in all honesty…I am weary of all kinds of socialness...something I am working on. Inventing words is a common occurrence in my day to day life. Renderpest: A fox that won’t share, for example (sorry if you don’t know that story…I’m obviously on a word budget and do not have enough spare time to get you up to speed...someday maybe). I am definitely not sarcastic. Okay I am. No I’m not. Yes I am. I’m indecisive. About everything. Especially things that matter, and so in order to avoid having to think about decisions, I tend to just make them on the spur of the moment. I roll with the barrel, so to speak. I just made up that analogy. I’m not entirely sure if analogy was the right word to use just now. I don’t know how to use semicolons; (I definitely stole that from Ryan). I steal. But only things I really want. Like clever phrases and my roommate’s cookie dough. And never from stores. That’s called really bad. When I was little I wanted to be a BYU football player when I grew up. So far, I’ve accomplished zero percent of that goal. My first car was a 1992 gold Buick. The Golden Dragon. Oh how I miss our days together. I love movies. All kinds of movies, except ones that are made just to steal your money. Example: Pirates 3. Please don’t make me have that argument with you. I had something else to say here, but now I’ve lost my train of thought. I do that often. CRAP! I find people who constantly swear annoying and people who casually swear hilarious. Camping is one of my favourite things but I hardly ever go. I think moustaches are funny. I like to spell words like I am Brittish (see previous). I am the only person to have ever beaten my brother at scrabble. QUIZ on a triple word square equals a lot of points. I’m am terrified of rubber gloves and frequently tell people I am allergic to latex to avoid contact with them at all. I’m pretty sure I need psychological help. My favorite story in the world (to hear and tell) is the one where Jared left his keys in his car and… well, you know the rest. If not, I’ll tell you sometime. Ha Ha! It’s making me laugh out loud right now… I like to use parentheses and dotdotdots without limitation…. The sound of fingernail files is worse than nails on a chalkboard. I almost died in Guatemala. I don’t like to talk about it. I have a bubble and hate to be touched. Don’t pop the bubble. I like to write poems, especially haikus. One time I got lost at Lagoon and these two old ladies found me and took me to the lost and found. They made me sit in a big window with the other kids and watch for my parents to walk by. Is that weird to anyone else? I like the words ‘luscious’ and ‘indulgence’. The word ‘urine’ makes me want to vomit. Especially when people who know this little fact keep saying, “Yer’ in luck!” just to make me cringe. I also loathe and despise (yes both) the word ‘moist’. It makes me think of a soggy, sun-baked piece of moldy bread in a steamy sandwich baggy. Say that ten times fast. Okay, so it wasn’t that hard… I’m convinced that text messaging will be the downfall of our society. Don’t get me wrong…I text…but not like a crazy person. You know it bugs you when you’re trying to talk to someone and they are texting through the whole conversation. On a similar note, I H-8 vocabulary shortcuts. U NO? They’re not so GR-8. OMG. I am going to run a marathon one day. I am scared out of my pants. I’m not really a runner, which explains the scared out of my pants part. I like my orange front door. If I could get on a plane tomorrow and fly anywhere in the world, I would go to Italy. I would take only a backpack and just wake up every day and do whatever I want, all by myself. I like art in all of its forms. I’ve met some pretty amazing people in my day. Especially teachers. I love my teachers. Minus one, but I won’t name names. When I was 12, I became double jointed in one finger (YES! This was the thought I forgot earlier!). I like wearing my hair in a pony tail, out of my face. I’m a middle child. I have middle child syndrome. Don’t tell me that’s not a real thing. Flip flops can and should be worn year round. Except summer, when we don’t need any shoes at all. If you ever think you can have 4 jobs and go to school at the same time, I have bad news for you. I like to make up stories while I fall asleep at night. I have a hard time falling asleep most of the time. Some of them are really good stories! I have a blankie that I love and take with me on trips. Call me childish. I like to write cheesy cards and I like how email is non-threatening. When I was little I pounded my younger brother in the head with a really heavy walkie-talkie (I like that word) and made him bleed. I still feel guilty about it. So I guess it’s weird I’m telling you about it. Allwell, I feel better now. I like office supply stores, but I’m pretty sure I’m the most unorganized human being on Earth. I’m a tiny bit in love with naps and I take one almost every day. Even if it’s only 3.5 minutes long. I’m an addict. I get obsessed with things and then let them go. For example, I was addicted to Alias for like 2 years (this is a TV show…not a drug, just in case, you know…). I kill songs. I find one I love and listen to it on repeat about 300 times, then I’m sick of it and have to let it go. Marshmallow Mateys…another recent addiction. I’m starting to think that if I drank alcohol I might be an alcoholic, so it’s a good thing I don’t…anymore. Just kidding. I miss elementary school. Profusely. My favorite song is a secret. I am afraid it will be discovered and then over-played, and then I’ll hate it. I’m trying very very hard not to kill it. I like to dance. It’s raw emotion. You can’t lie when you dance. I like things that are real and honest. Reading is the best, especially if it involves Junie B. Jones. I read Harry Potter for the first time in 6th grade, before it was even popular and wrote J.K. Rowling a letter. She wrote me back. We’re tight. I want to make movies someday. And find a way to feed the world.

Here are some things that make my day:

singing at the top of my lungs when I’m alone
the way horses hooves sound when they gallop
buying journals (but not writing in them)
(it makes the world go round)
the color green
and spring
and fall
and when it’s not winter
the fact that Sunday doesn’t officially start until you wake up, but ends right at midnight
(I know I’m a sinner)
my car named Cracker Jack
(thanks Erica)
my new fish!
the sound of the spine cracking on a new book the first time it's opened
old, musty books... so mysterious
dance dance revolution
(can you tell?)
chewing ice
Johnny Depp in pirates #1
Mexican s’mores
anything to do with the outdoors
pug puppies’ squished up faces
old people-they seem so full of wisdom
nice people
and ebay
And maybe a few more things….

Okay boys and girls….I think that’s enough for today.