August 31, 2008

i'm awesome? what?

Okay children. Go outside and look to the east. There is a mountain there. I'm pretty sure that it is in fact the largest mountain in the world. See it? Yeah, mmm-hmmm. That would be the mountain I did summit two days ago. And it's name is Timpanogos.

To summarize an eventful event, I'll leave it at this: 7 hours, 20 miles, 1 sunrise, 31 degrees, 4 naughty words, 40 mile per hour winds, 28 swedish fish, 2 snuggles, and 1 possible mountain top public pant changing, and a goal from my top 10 list is reached. And that's that.

Here's a photo I found on google of some random guy at the summit shack:
You're welcome, by the way.

August 23, 2008

oh woe is me

This past week I've found myself in a state of depression not unlike the one I encounter during a good J.K. Rowling read. Allow an explanation. Harry Potter minus the almost unbearable writing equals all my dreams come true. There is nothing I would love more than to go to Hogwarts. This deep-rooted desire leaves me standing (barely) with a short-end-of-the-stick feeling at my horrible luck of being a muggle. (And just so you know, you people thinking I've lost it...I know for a fact I'm not alone here...Shannon came home in tears from the first Pirates movie because she could not be a scallywag.)

Here are the reasonings behind this particular installment of Sulk Yourself Silly: The Olympics...namely women's (little girls'?) gymnastics. As I watched Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin fly through the air performing stunts that would make little circus runaways gape in envy, I could not help but do a little envious gaping myself. So here it is: I want to be an olypmic gymnast and I want a gold medal and I preferably want to do it in four years because I hear they're all going to London in 2012 and I really really like London. I know what you're thinking right now: "Kristen, of course you could be an olympic gymnast! Why are you sitting here on the computer when you could be at the gym training! Goodness, you are so silly!" But you have forgotten two small bits of information. One: I am a tall drink of water. Take the tallest gymnast to ever be an olympian (yes, I looked it up) then add about 6 inches of head. The result will be me. Two: I am no longer 4 years old (I know, shocking). And apparently that would be the age one must be taken from home and begin their training. and Three (so I'm adding one, get over it): I have no house to mortgage twice to pay for classes.

What to do? Sometimes it blows when you realize at age 21 that your hopes and dreams in life are to rewind 17 years. And also to be Chinese.

Anyway, Please contact me if:
A. You are an olympic gymnastics trainer and are looking for an adult prodigy at the beginning level.
B. You have a house I could borrow and mortgage.
C. You are selling shortening drugs (Illegal is fine).
D. You have found how to get to Hogwarts and are selfish and not sharing. It's time to spread the wealth amigo.

P.S. I know at least one person from each of these categories is reading this blog. Don't be a stranger. Come out of hiding.

August 22, 2008


In honor of the Beijing Olympics I have decided to bring you a selection of my favorite Asian to English translations. Please consult for more cachinnation opportunities.

August 17, 2008

a rude awakening

Michelle (age 12) and I played a mean game of 20 questions last night. This particular round secured her win in the "Kristen's Favorite Human" competition:

Kristen: I'm thinking of a person.
Michelle: Are they dead?
Kristen: Yes
M: Were they a man?
K: Yes
M: Famous?
K: Yes
M: Politician?
K: Yes
M: President?
K: You are good at this game
M: Taft?
K: No
M: Van Buren?
K: No
M: Madison?
K: Are you guessing real presidents?
M: Polk? Harrison? Tyler? Fillmore? Buchanan? Adams? Johnson? Bush the First?
K: Seriously, are you kidding me?
M: Garfield? Grant? Hayes? Harrison? Cleveland?
K: I have no response to this.
M: Oh! Lincoln?
K: Yes, that would be the one.

What are they feeding 7th graders these days?

conversationing is not easiful

A recent exchange of words I had whilst stopping to view a waterfall on a motorcycle trip:

Man at waterfall (seeing me in my "Click it or Ticket" get-up): What's your ride?
Me: I'm sorry?
Man: What's your ride?
Me: Um, I don't think I know what that means.
Man (sigh of annoyance): What are you guys riding?
Me (feeling proud of catching up to speed here): Oh! We're on motorcycles.
Man (with a look of "you are the dumbest human on this planet"): Yeah. I know that. Never mind.
Me: No, I'm sorry! I don't know what you mean. You mean what kind of motorcycles?
Man: Just forget about it kid.
Me: No! Um... We are on a two seater...It's black....Has some storage racks on the back....
Man (Starting to walk away): Seriously. Please just stop.
Me (yelling after him): I'm sorry! I"m so sorry!

Yours Truly,
The Dumbest Human on the Planet

August 16, 2008

to she who must not be named

(you know who you are)

My DEEPEST of apologies for my total LACK of blogging as of late. You can add it to the list of things for which I owe you penance. And yes, one more thing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you!

Love, Moi

(Please note that this is being put up two entire hours prior to midnight. Yes, I'm amazing.)