This past week I've found myself in a state of depression not unlike the one I encounter during a good J.K. Rowling read. Allow an explanation. Harry Potter minus the almost unbearable writing equals all my dreams come true. There is nothing I would love more than to go to Hogwarts. This deep-rooted desire leaves me standing (barely) with a short-end-of-the-stick feeling at my horrible luck of being a muggle. (And just so you know, you people thinking I've lost it...I know for a fact I'm not alone here...Shannon came home in tears from the first Pirates movie because she could not be a scallywag.)
Here are the reasonings behind this particular installment of Sulk Yourself Silly: The Olympics...namely women's (little girls'?) gymnastics. As I watched Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin fly through the air performing stunts that would make little circus runaways gape in envy, I could not help but do a little envious gaping myself. So here it is: I want to be an olypmic gymnast and I want a gold medal and I preferably want to do it in four years because I hear they're all going to London in 2012 and I really really like London. I know what you're thinking right now: "Kristen, of course you could be an olympic gymnast! Why are you sitting here on the computer when you could be at the gym training! Goodness, you are so silly!" But you have forgotten two small bits of information. One: I am a tall drink of water. Take the tallest gymnast to ever be an olympian (yes, I looked it up) then add about 6 inches of head. The result will be me. Two: I am no longer 4 years old (I know, shocking). And apparently that would be the age one must be taken from home and begin their training. and Three (so I'm adding one, get over it): I have no house to mortgage twice to pay for classes.
What to do? Sometimes it blows when you realize at age 21 that your hopes and dreams in life are to rewind 17 years. And also to be Chinese.
Anyway, Please contact me if:
A. You are an olympic gymnastics trainer and are looking for an adult prodigy at the beginning level.
B. You have a house I could borrow and mortgage.
C. You are selling shortening drugs (Illegal is fine).
D. You have found how to get to Hogwarts and are selfish and not sharing. It's time to spread the wealth amigo.
P.S. I know at least one person from each of these categories is reading this blog. Don't be a stranger. Come out of hiding.
