one time...

One time I joined the tennis team having never played before and won 2nd place at regionals.

One time Ryan gave his friend's mom a couple of framed photos he had taken and she started taking them out of the frame so she could put her own in because she thought they were the demos that came with the frames.

One time Shannon and I spent the night in a HOLE, "Big T", for $23, narrowly escaping death so as to not miss an episode of Alias. If I recall correctly there were a number of deadbolts on the door.

One time I saved two fish from imminent death in science class and then forgot to feed them and they died.

One time I missed a much anticipated party looking for a kitten that was stuck in the bushes in my front yard. I would hear it, kneel down to find it and then it would stop meowing. But every time I would give up and start to leave it would meow again! It took me 3 entire hours to discover that my left shoe squeaked just like a kitty when i took a step.

One time I was stretching before a dance class and my hand slipped and I rammed my chin into the floor. It was hilarious and painful. Painfully hilarious.

One time I invented this really awesome flipping trick on my aunt's swingset.

One time I knocked out my two front teeth on a swingset.

One time I dyed my hair the exact color of a lemon drop. And it just so happened to be the same day I met Anthony Hopkins.

One time I had braces. Ohohoho....wait. That was more than one time.

One time I spent the night hauling left over popcorn from all the movie theaters in town and dumping it into my friend's backyard so we could jump off his roof into it.

One time it took 4 days to get all of the butter out of my hair.

One time Shannon broke her butt. I just love saying that. In fact, I am laughing right now. She had to carry around a blue donut cushion everywhere she went.

One time I gave my buddy Garrett the greatest dose of revenge of his life. It involved a non-existent moped, a quiet Sunday morning, and a brilliant post on craigslist by yours truly.

One time I found a fish on the bottom shelf of a bookcase that hadn't been fed for 3 months and revived it. And one time Shannon left her fish (in a bottle) in her car overnight in winter and it froze. She thawed it out with a blow dryer and it lived!

One time fish were pretty much all kinds of awesomeness.

One time Judy Richards thought it would be a great idea to paint "THS" on everyone on the drill team's head with acrylic paint for a football game, and one time we all went to homecoming the next day with green hair.

One time I was ranked 3rd in the world on a minesweeper high scores website. The two people above me were high school kids from Slovakia.

One time Jared told us how stupid we were because we couldn't spell
L-O-V-E-R.

One time my dad was a pilot, and a carpenter, and a camera man, and an editor, and a truck driver, and a computer program instructor, and a landscaper, and about 6 other things. And he can play any sport, and fix anything.

One time I was a super hero offspring.

One time I sort of ran away without telling anyone I was moving to the middle of the Pacific. One time that took a while to blow over.

One time I escaped 6th grade math class with my friend Kirtley by crawling out of the back of the room, and we chased janitors for the good part of an hour, and one time I was dared to shoot a piece of candy off my candy necklace at the whiteboard and one time it hit the teacher, and one time I sprayed silly string all over the vice principal's office and one time I spent most of 6th grade in that office.

One time I got pulled over for breaking about 8 driving laws and still got off the hook. But one time I got a ticket because I had the license plates I had just picked up from the courthouse 10 minutes earlier, IN my car, instead of already ON my car.

One time I got payed $6,000 to take a mystery red pill for 2 months and let them take my blood 56 times.

One time we kneeled in our family room for the most ridiculous amount of time (hours?) waiting for someone to calm down enough to say a prayer without laughing. I don't think we ever got there.

One time my mom payed me $1 for swearing in front of me. Okay, maybe that was like a few hundred times. :)

One time I broke a federal law, but didn't know it. Hope no cops are reading this.

One time at the beginning of the year one of my teachers gave me a CD with all the answers to the tests on it. I still don't know why...but I am the only student who got an A.

One time I counted up how many jobs I have had since I was 16. It was 15.

One time I sat in Borders for 10 hours straight just reading books.

One time my friend Ang and I had a kid convinced we were identical twins. We did look alike in 7th grade and the poor boy sincerely could not tell us apart.

One time I was almost killed up the canyon by a pack of wild horses. I'm not joking. I was alone, and they can run very very fast. Almost faster than me.

One time we had Family Home Evening.

That one time for FHE, we sat around for hours and made Michelle (age 2?) say "sandwich" over and over again because it sounded like "dammit." Things like, "Go get me some food, Sandwich!" were a big hit.

One time someone beat me at Memory. But only once.

One time in 3rd grade a kid I had a crush on used my chapstick. I threw it away 2 months ago. *sigh*

One time I bowled a 39. Okay, so it was last Saturday. One time the employee told me I couldn't have bumpers because I wasn't 10 years old. One time I put them up anyway....so there. Too bad I still got a 39.

One time I got bored of writing this blog.