August 22, 2008
hirariousness
In honor of the Beijing Olympics I have decided to bring you a selection of my favorite Asian to English translations. Please consult engrish.com for more cachinnation opportunities.
August 17, 2008
a rude awakening
Michelle (age 12) and I played a mean game of 20 questions last night. This particular round secured her win in the "Kristen's Favorite Human" competition:
Kristen: I'm thinking of a person.
Michelle: Are they dead?
Kristen: Yes
M: Were they a man?
K: Yes
M: Famous?
K: Yes
M: Politician?
K: Yes
M: President?
K: You are good at this game
M: Taft?
K: No
M: Van Buren?
K: No
M: Madison?
K: Are you guessing real presidents?
M: Polk? Harrison? Tyler? Fillmore? Buchanan? Adams? Johnson? Bush the First?
K: Seriously, are you kidding me?
M: Garfield? Grant? Hayes? Harrison? Cleveland?
K: I have no response to this.
M: Oh! Lincoln?
K: Yes, that would be the one.
What are they feeding 7th graders these days?
conversationing is not easiful
A recent exchange of words I had whilst stopping to view a waterfall on a motorcycle trip:
Man at waterfall (seeing me in my "Click it or Ticket" get-up): What's your ride?
Me: I'm sorry?
Man: What's your ride?
Me: Um, I don't think I know what that means.
Man (sigh of annoyance): What are you guys riding?
Me (feeling proud of catching up to speed here): Oh! We're on motorcycles.
Man (with a look of "you are the dumbest human on this planet"): Yeah. I know that. Never mind.
Me: No, I'm sorry! I don't know what you mean. You mean what kind of motorcycles?
Man: Just forget about it kid.
Me: No! Um... We are on a two seater...It's black....Has some storage racks on the back....
Man (Starting to walk away): Seriously. Please just stop.
Me (yelling after him): I'm sorry! I"m so sorry!
Yours Truly,
The Dumbest Human on the Planet
August 16, 2008
to she who must not be named
(you know who you are)
My DEEPEST of apologies for my total LACK of blogging as of late. You can add it to the list of things for which I owe you penance. And yes, one more thing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you!
Love, Moi
(Please note that this is being put up two entire hours prior to midnight. Yes, I'm amazing.)
My DEEPEST of apologies for my total LACK of blogging as of late. You can add it to the list of things for which I owe you penance. And yes, one more thing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you!
Love, Moi
(Please note that this is being put up two entire hours prior to midnight. Yes, I'm amazing.)
July 31, 2008
33
That is the number of degrees (F) the river which I floated atop this afternoon contained. I have a lot to catch up on, but I'm not going to. My number one concern and order of business is to inform you that I was nearly drank (drunken?) by a real live moose today. And also that a strange boy jumped on my tube from a large river boulder. Whilst I was still on said tube. Goodnight.
July 18, 2008
not much...just some travels and the end of the world
Apologies extended for the recent MIA activity. I am prone to absences...please ask any of my teachers grades 8 through 12. (Jared also loves to give the facts and figures). When I stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I hope to catch all 4 of you up on my recent trips through the (mid)west...yes including Mt. Rushmore (or "those old guys heads" to a certain 5 year-old) Anyway, it's not going to get much better seeing as how me and my homeless hair (it gets that way on the road) are off on a few more spontaneous get-aways. So suck it up and try your best to be brave and make it through a few more days without me. I know it's hard. Perhaps take up knitting.
In other news, birds 4 and 5 flew into our back window last week bringing the death toll to an all new high. Moses and the frogs comes to mind. Head on over to our house if you wish to witness the apocalypse.
Hmmm... I'm thinking I probably shouldn't say "chicken with its head cut off" at such a devastating and terrible time in the world of the fowl. How disrespectful.
In other news, birds 4 and 5 flew into our back window last week bringing the death toll to an all new high. Moses and the frogs comes to mind. Head on over to our house if you wish to witness the apocalypse.
Hmmm... I'm thinking I probably shouldn't say "chicken with its head cut off" at such a devastating and terrible time in the world of the fowl. How disrespectful.
July 12, 2008
happy first birthday blog!
What a glorious year. I don't want anything more. 365 days. Don't they go by in a blink?
July 6, 2008
adios amigos!
Well, I'm off for a few days of America touring on the back of my poppa's motorcycle. The iPod's charged...the Desitin's packed. We'll see you later crocodiles!
One last thing....I am reluctant to share with you how awesome I look in biking getup because I know how hard it can be to see someone in an amazing outfit and not a) covet it or b) hate them at least a little bit. But try your best and just be happy for me that great fortune has found its way to my doorstep. If you do, Andrew Thunderbolts just might let you off with a warning when she pulls you over.
(it is hard to make out the attached helmet microphone in this particular shot...but oh it is there)
One last thing....I am reluctant to share with you how awesome I look in biking getup because I know how hard it can be to see someone in an amazing outfit and not a) covet it or b) hate them at least a little bit. But try your best and just be happy for me that great fortune has found its way to my doorstep. If you do, Andrew Thunderbolts just might let you off with a warning when she pulls you over.
(it is hard to make out the attached helmet microphone in this particular shot...but oh it is there)
July 3, 2008
dear santa
If I'm really really REALLY good for the rest of this year, and perhaps even apologize for the spaghetti incident... can I pleeeeeaaasssee(pretty pretty kind) have THIS for Christmas? And preferably a few months early...you know, in time for amphibious motorhomeboat season?
June 24, 2008
in loving memory
What is up with the birds of this world? Or at least of our front yard? I mean come on!
CLICK HERE and let it play while returning to read this post.
It was a somber day at the Muirhead home. We did, unfortunately, lose another member of our avian family this afternoon. Well....(s)he wasn't so much our bird as (s)he was a bird. Mom spotted it outside the office window flopping around on the ground and I was sent to attempt a rescue. The poor thing shivered and twitched in my hands for a good ten minutes, and despite our valiant attempts at feeding and watering, and whispering magical spells into its ears, it kicked the can at 12:03 PM.
This is "Birdie" still alive.
This is Birdie dead.
Now we may be known for our lack of ability at keeping animals alive, but we certainly give them solemn farewells. Allow me to recount Birdie's funeral services for you, dear reader(s).
Birdie's casket, made custom by Champion Footwear.
How the girls felt about Birdie's tragic and untimely death.
The program for Birdie's funeral.
The pallbearers.
During the opening remarks.
We all said our final words to Birdie while sprinkling birdseed onto his/her grave and then Nichol graced us with an improvisational poem.
Birdie was buried as Michelle made up a very moving song on her violin. All in attendance were deeply touched.
Music brought to you by Kristen's iPod and Dewalt Power Tools.
Bye Bye Birdie. R.I.P.
In leui of flowers....please send candy.
p.s. I would not recommend digging graves today. It is much too sweltering out.
CLICK HERE and let it play while returning to read this post.
It was a somber day at the Muirhead home. We did, unfortunately, lose another member of our avian family this afternoon. Well....(s)he wasn't so much our bird as (s)he was a bird. Mom spotted it outside the office window flopping around on the ground and I was sent to attempt a rescue. The poor thing shivered and twitched in my hands for a good ten minutes, and despite our valiant attempts at feeding and watering, and whispering magical spells into its ears, it kicked the can at 12:03 PM.
This is "Birdie" still alive.
This is Birdie dead.
Now we may be known for our lack of ability at keeping animals alive, but we certainly give them solemn farewells. Allow me to recount Birdie's funeral services for you, dear reader(s).
Birdie's casket, made custom by Champion Footwear.
How the girls felt about Birdie's tragic and untimely death.
The program for Birdie's funeral.
The pallbearers.
During the opening remarks.
We all said our final words to Birdie while sprinkling birdseed onto his/her grave and then Nichol graced us with an improvisational poem.
Birdie was buried as Michelle made up a very moving song on her violin. All in attendance were deeply touched.
Music brought to you by Kristen's iPod and Dewalt Power Tools.
Bye Bye Birdie. R.I.P.
In leui of flowers....please send candy.
p.s. I would not recommend digging graves today. It is much too sweltering out.
June 22, 2008
lazy sunday afternoon
Just the girls at home tonight spending a pleasant low-key evening together porch swinging, neighborhood strolling, speed scrabble-ing, and sweet tunes listening. I'd have to say the highlights included:
A) Waking up from a nap to this on the carpet:
Yes, you are looking at the longest word in the English language spelled out with scrabble letters and silently discarded. Oh the life of a 12 year old.
B) This crepe, which bore a striking resemblance to a certain recently erected Russian statue and left us all in fits of giggles.
C) The rule I invented during our plastic bag service project called "you have to wear your mistakes," which left me (zero errors) in fits of giggles and left the other two senoritas (muchos errors) with dirty looks directed at me. Mom ended up with a hula skirt, necklace, scarf, and (my personal favorite) native headdress of the Incas. Michelle's first bag left her with an interchangeable beard/hair piece. I think they were starting to feel bad about my amazing talent at crafting perfect bags, so to raise their self-esteem I donned a lovely oxygen tank nose tube. Don't worry, I totally pulled it off.
Some days just can't be beat.
A) Waking up from a nap to this on the carpet:
Yes, you are looking at the longest word in the English language spelled out with scrabble letters and silently discarded. Oh the life of a 12 year old.
B) This crepe, which bore a striking resemblance to a certain recently erected Russian statue and left us all in fits of giggles.
C) The rule I invented during our plastic bag service project called "you have to wear your mistakes," which left me (zero errors) in fits of giggles and left the other two senoritas (muchos errors) with dirty looks directed at me. Mom ended up with a hula skirt, necklace, scarf, and (my personal favorite) native headdress of the Incas. Michelle's first bag left her with an interchangeable beard/hair piece. I think they were starting to feel bad about my amazing talent at crafting perfect bags, so to raise their self-esteem I donned a lovely oxygen tank nose tube. Don't worry, I totally pulled it off.
Some days just can't be beat.
June 21, 2008
zheleznovodsk, sloppiness, and 42 grand
Feed the homeless..... support more important causes.
Easy choice for the Russians.
I'll toast to that.
CLICK HERE for the best news you'll read all week.
(Thanks J.)
June 19, 2008
heather's helpers
It looks like my amigo heather has been struck with a sudden desire to be charitable. (Dear h.b...by 'sudden' I of course mean 'has always been and will always be devoted to the welfare of the nations...')
Want to hop on the Do Some Good Train? If you are feeling extra bored or loving this week CLICK HERE and lend your beautifully manicured helping hands.
Want to hop on the Do Some Good Train? If you are feeling extra bored or loving this week CLICK HERE and lend your beautifully manicured helping hands.
June 18, 2008
sneaky snakes are stupid
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18 2008
12:02 AM: Kristen walks to shoe closet. Her contacts are drying, her feet ache, she is tie-urhd.
12:03 AM: Kristen kicks footwear into bottom shelf. Out slithers this:
12:04 AM: Kristen is reminded of recent encounters with snakes and is not anxious to repeat said occurences.
12:07 AM: Kristen has not moved even a smidgen in the last 4 minutes. Likewise for the snake.
12:09 AM: Chopsticks in hand (just in case), Kristen throws a roller blade at snake and hits it's tippie tail. Snake slithers forward.
12:09 and 3 seconds AM: Kristen is sitting on kitchen counter top nearly in tears eating off all of her fingernails. What to do?
12:14 AM: Kristen slowly makes her way back to the scene of the crime (please imagine Jack Skellington (from Nightmare Before Christmas) strut).
12:15 AM: Snake has not moved.
12:16 AM: Kristen finds that fishy. "Why haven't you moved?" she asks snake.
12:16 AM: Snake doesn't respond.
12:16-12:19 AM: Snake and Kristen face off in a staring war. Snake is very good.
12:19 AM: Kristen feels a moment of bravery coming on and hits snake on the head with a chopstick.
12:19 AM: Snake doesn't move. "It's a fake!" she yells in elation and then in disgruntlement. "It's a fake," she sighs.
12:20 AM: Kristen's heart rate has begun to make its way back down to normal as she stares into the heavens and curses toy makers around the globe. "You are the scum of the earth," she whispers to no one in particular. "Particularly those of you making moving snake toys," she particulates.
2:16 AM: Kristen lies awake in her bed. She is dreading dreams of slimy serpents.
12:02 AM: Kristen walks to shoe closet. Her contacts are drying, her feet ache, she is tie-urhd.
12:03 AM: Kristen kicks footwear into bottom shelf. Out slithers this:
12:04 AM: Kristen is reminded of recent encounters with snakes and is not anxious to repeat said occurences.
12:07 AM: Kristen has not moved even a smidgen in the last 4 minutes. Likewise for the snake.
12:09 AM: Chopsticks in hand (just in case), Kristen throws a roller blade at snake and hits it's tippie tail. Snake slithers forward.
12:09 and 3 seconds AM: Kristen is sitting on kitchen counter top nearly in tears eating off all of her fingernails. What to do?
12:14 AM: Kristen slowly makes her way back to the scene of the crime (please imagine Jack Skellington (from Nightmare Before Christmas) strut).
12:15 AM: Snake has not moved.
12:16 AM: Kristen finds that fishy. "Why haven't you moved?" she asks snake.
12:16 AM: Snake doesn't respond.
12:16-12:19 AM: Snake and Kristen face off in a staring war. Snake is very good.
12:19 AM: Kristen feels a moment of bravery coming on and hits snake on the head with a chopstick.
12:19 AM: Snake doesn't move. "It's a fake!" she yells in elation and then in disgruntlement. "It's a fake," she sighs.
12:20 AM: Kristen's heart rate has begun to make its way back down to normal as she stares into the heavens and curses toy makers around the globe. "You are the scum of the earth," she whispers to no one in particular. "Particularly those of you making moving snake toys," she particulates.
2:16 AM: Kristen lies awake in her bed. She is dreading dreams of slimy serpents.
June 17, 2008
ahoy there captain amazing
Just in case I missed you on my mass email extravaganza. I'm pretty sure this man is a superhero incognito.
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